Tag: extraterrestrial

Ralf the Destroyer Wallpaper

Posted on February 8, 2010 by ScottLincoln

For all of those out there who have been thinking they need to change their desktop wallpaper, you’re in luck! I managed to upload the very same wallpaper I put on my computer featuring Ralf the Destroyer on Webcomic Wallpapers.com. Best of all it’s free!

Yes, even though the purpose of that site is to raise support for hungry cartoonists (honestly, how much soup can one person eat?) I chose to make this first offering a freebie for you guys because I appreciate your readership. It comes formatted in several sizes and no strings attached, so go ahead and download a copy for yourself!

Transcript

[ {Commander: Greetings, Ralf the Destroyer. The Trans Galactic Council has asked us to personally escort you to the floor of the Senate to discuss a matter of SUPREME IMPORTANCE.} ]

[ {Ralf: Well, in THAT case, I feel HONORED.} ]

Transcript

[ {Title: Ralf the Destroyer by Scott Lincoln} ]

[ {Ralf: I can never remember who YIELDS at a rotary...} ]

[ {Commander: The Trans Galactic Council has DECREED that if a XYOAN is found, to ESCORT it to the senate.} ]

[ {Lieutenant: SIR?! A Xyoan?! They want a DESTROYER?! They are a PLAGUE to the 32 known galaxies! A SINGLE destroyer can leave an ENTIRE armada in RUIN!} ]

[ {Commander: Calm down Lieutenant. It's highly UNLIKELY to even FIND one away from its collective.} ]

[ (SPLAT!) ]

[ {Commander: DESTROYER! Code RED! Plan Omega! PLAN OMEGA!} {Ralf: WHOA! They should put a yield sign there.} ]

Transcript

[ {Ralf: Well, here I go... Hopefully the Earth greets me as enthusiastically as the Galactic Council did...} ]

[ {Commander: FIRE AT WILL! KILL IT! KILL IT!} ]

[ * ]

[ {Ralf: Maybe Earth has a BACKDOOR.} ]

Transcript

[ {Gothra: Ralf, why do you wish to AVOID the ship's avatar?} {Ralf: Well, free roving robots don't like Xyoans, Computer.} ]

[ {Gothra: Why?} {Ralf: I think it's because we're technopaths and they FEAR we'll over ride their free will.} ]

[ {Gothra: Does that make them HOSTILE?} (WHAM!) ]

[ {Gothra: Oh, dear... she bypassed blast door safety protocols...} {Ralf: In both cases I'd say... Apparently, so...} ]

Transcript

[ {Ralf's Log: Before destroying Earth, I feel I should explore it and its people.} ]

[ {Ralf's Log: ...to judge RIGHTLY I must not overlook ANY important information...} ]

[ {Ralf's Log: ... sociopolitical... historical... meteorological... biological... } ]

[ {Ralf: Computer, does Earth have any small, FLUFFY animals?} { Computer: Please define FLUFFY.} ]

Transcript

[ {Ralf: Gothra, this is Ralf... Open hanger bay 782, please.} ]

[ {Radio: This is Gothra's avatar... You'll need to submit your security code.} {Ralf: WHAT?! There's no security code!} ]

[ {Ralf: Xyoans are technopaths and... HEY! Wait! I'M the CAPTAIN! You let me...} {Radio: Code, please.} ]

[ {Ralf: GREAT! I have ONE crew member! They're a ROBOT and there's STILL a mutiny!} ]

Transcript

[ {Wife: Honey, it's two A.M., come back to bed.} {Husband: I can't sleep...} ]

[ {Husband: First the sky is dark, then it's light, then dark, light, dark... What on EARTH causes that?!} ]

[ * ]

Transcript

[ Well it has been a long trip to get to Earth. ]

[ Maybe I should get out, stretch my legs and get some fresh air. ]

[ * ]

Transcript

[ {Ralf: Computer, how much time have I wasted staring out this window day-dreaming?} {Computer: Four Earth Days.} ]

[ {Computer: The lunar cycle is 27.32 days and an Earth week is composed of seven days... } ]

[ {Ralf: ALRIGHT! Three day week-end!} ]